APHORISM:  A short, pointed sentence expressing a wise or clever observation or a general truth.

1.
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2.
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness  will make him wag his tail.

3.
If you don’t have a sense of humour, you probably don’t have any sense.

4.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is  when you’re in deep water.

6.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7.
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate

how many people a company can operate without.

8.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger  than everyone else looks?

9.
Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.

10.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy  who wants to buy a car.

11.
There are no new sins; the old ones just  get more publicity.

12.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

13.
No one ever says ‘It’s only a game” when  their team is winning.

14.
I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15.
Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re  going to like it.

16.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the  same size bucket.

17.
Do you realise that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

18.
Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable

to cry in a Mercedes than in an Uno.

19.
After 50, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint,  you are probably dead!!

20.
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter.

Here you will find all the Chuck Norris jokes. Read all the funny Chuck Norris jokes. We have over 500 Chuck Norris jokes posted at Make me Laugh. Share and enjoy…

•    Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
•    Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
•    ”One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, ‘I’m Chuck Norris! SAY IT!’ Then he manipulates the deer’s lips in such a way as to make it say, ‘ChuckNorris’ … It wasn’t exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!’”
•    People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris…Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
•    Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
•    When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
•    Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

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The FBI had an opening for an assassin.   After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of The men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
‘We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair .. . . Kill her!!’
The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’
The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man For this job. Take your wife and go home.’
The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.’

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another.  They heard screaming, bashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said.  ‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’