Joe walks into a bar in Pretoria, orders three pints of Black Label and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender says to him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” Joe replies, “Well, you see, I have two friends. One is in Polokwane, the other in Lebowakgomo, and I’m here in Pretoria. When I left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

Joe becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

Joe looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawn in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone is fine. It’s me…”

“…I’ve quit drinking!”

• If  you cross the Afghan border illegally,you get shot.

• If  you cross the Chinese border illegally you may never be heard from again.

• If  you cross the Cuban border illegally you will be thrown into political  prison to rot.

• If you  cross the South African border illegally you get a  job, a drivers  license, pension  card, welfare, credit cards, subsidized rent or a loan  to buy a house, free  education and  free  health care. Perks include weapons of your  choice.   And  in south  africa you can murder,use drugs,drink and drive,steal,rape but please south africans  don’t  smoke in public it is illegal.