• If  you cross the Afghan border illegally,you get shot.

• If  you cross the Chinese border illegally you may never be heard from again.

• If  you cross the Cuban border illegally you will be thrown into political  prison to rot.

• If you  cross the South African border illegally you get a  job, a drivers  license, pension  card, welfare, credit cards, subsidized rent or a loan  to buy a house, free  education and  free  health care. Perks include weapons of your  choice.   And  in south  africa you can murder,use drugs,drink and drive,steal,rape but please south africans  don’t  smoke in public it is illegal.

THE VIBRATOR

As a woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom
door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter
with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: ‘what in the world are you
doing?’

The daughter replied: ‘mom, I’m thirty-five years
old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone.’

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
said: ‘dad I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a
husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’

A couple days later, the wife came home from a
shopping trip ,
placed the groceries on the kitchen
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
of all places, the living room. She entered that
area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
like crazy.

The wife asked: ‘What the f… are you doing?’

The husband replied: ‘I’m watching football with my
son-in-law.’

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing the compartment, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,….’Ma’am,

I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

I’m awfully cold.’

‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,….. let’s pretend that we’re married.’

‘Wow! That’s a great idea!’, he exclaimed.

‘Good,’ she replied.   ‘Get your own f****** blanket.’

After a moment of silence, … he farted.

The  End