THE ROOM WAS FULL OF PREGNANT WOMEN WITH THEIR PARTNERS. THE CLASS WAS IN FULL SWING. THE INSTRUCTOR WAS TEACHING THE WOMEN HOW TO BREATHE PROPERLY, AND WAS TELLING THE MEN HOW TO GIVE THE NECESSARY ASSURANCE TO THEIR PARTNERS AT THIS STAGE OF THE PREGNANCY.

SHE SAID “LADIES, REMEMBER……………EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU. WALKING IS ESPECIALLY BENEFICIAL. IT STRENGTHENS THE PELVIC MUSCLES AND WILL MAKE DELIVERY THAT MUCH EASIER!”

SHE LOOKED AT THE MEN IN THE ROOM, “………….AND GENTLEMEN, REMEMBER — YOU’RE IN THIS TOGETHER — IT WOULDN’T HURT YOU TO GO WALKING WITH HER.” THE ROOM SUDDENLY GOT VERY QUIET AS THE MEN ABSORBED THIS INFORMATION.

THEN A MAN AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM SLOWLY RAISED HIS HAND. “YES?” ANSWERED THE TEACHER. “I WAS JUST WONDERING…….. IS IT ALL RIGHT IF SHE CARRIES A GOLF BAG WHILE WE WALK?”

John and Helen met while on vacation, and John fell  head over heels  in
love with her. And after a couple of weeks during which John took Helen
out to various dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, etc. he was
convinced that it was true love.

And  so….on the last night of his vacation, the two of them went  to
dinner and had a serious talk about how the relationship would continue.
“It’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut,” John said to his
newly found lady friend.. “I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that’s
going to be a problem, you’d better say so now!”

Helen took a deep breath and responded:  “Since we’re being honest with
each other, here  goes …. You need to know that I’m a hooker.” “I
see,” John replied. “That’s a problem, for sure.”

He spent some time looking down at the table, deep in thought. Then he
added, “You know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists
straight when you tee off.”

A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior. ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’
‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’

‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’
‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’
‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!’

‘Well, we were on the fifth tee…and this hole is a monster, Mother-540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green…and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.

And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted…and it hits a bird in mid-flight !’

‘Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!’
‘No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister. ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’

‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother.
‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’

‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.
‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said…

‘You missed the f***ing putt, didn’t you??’