Husband & Wife – Why divorce?

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: “Your honor, I want to divorce my husband.” “But why?” asked the judge.

She replied, “Because he is not faithful to me.” The judge asked, “How do you know?” She replied, >”My lord, not a single child resembles him.”

Husband & Wife – Love Your Enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, “One month after

If I die want you to marry Samy.” “Samy! But he is your enemy!” “Yes, I know

that! I’ve suffered all these years so let him suffer now.”

Husband & Wife – Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your

wedding ring on the wrong finger? ” The other replied, “Yes I am, I

married the wrong man.”

Husband & Wife – Why?

“Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I’d be

home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man’s

arms… ” Why, Dad ? Tell me why!” Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then

coolly said, “Maybe, Son, she didn’t get the fax.”

Husband & Wife – Same Service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first

married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my

slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s

all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs

around barking.” “Why complain?” said the counselor. “You’re still getting

the same service!”

Husband & Wife – Talk About Husband

One woman told another : “My neighbor is always speaking ill of her

husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but

have I ever said anything bad about him?”

Husband & Wife – Love To Do

A wife, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door

and said, “Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her

everytime they meet. Why don’t you do that?” “I would love to.” Replied the

husband. “But I don’t know her well enough.”

Husband & Wife – No Answer Back

A man was telling his friends, “When my wife is infuriated, she starts

shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer

her.” One of his friends asked. “And when you are angry, what do you do?”

The man replied, “I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house

and none of them dares to answer back.

Husband & Wife – Come Home Late

A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home

late, no matter how she tried to stop him. “Take my advice,” said the

neighbor, “and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o’clock

in the morning, and from my bed I called out: “Is that you, Jim?” And that

cured him. “Cured him!” asked the woman, “but how?” The neighbor said,

“You see, his name is Bill.”

Husband & Wife – Problem Father

“You looked troubled,” I told my friend, “what’s your problem?” He

replied, “I’m going to be a father.” “But that’s wonderful,” I said. “What’s

wonderful? My wife doesn’t know about it yet.

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight started….

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I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’ It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said. So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’ And that’s when the fight started…

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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’ So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’ And that’s when the fight started… ______________________________________________________________________

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that’s when the fight started….. ______________________________________________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.. ‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’ He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’ ‘Nah, she can order for herself.’ And that’s when the fight started….

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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’ And then the fight started…

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a scale. And then the fight started… ______________________________________________________________________